Who Do You Fight With? A Mental Wellness Reflection and Humility

Who Do You Fight With?

There’s a battle I’ve been fighting for years, and most days, the fight is in my own mind. I’m not talking about dramatic arguments or loud confrontations. I’m talking about those internal mental scuffles, the ones that quietly shape our mood, choices, relationships, and outcomes. It’s a war between pessimism and possibility, between compassion and criticism, between humility and ego. And it’s exhausting, but also incredibly revealing.

Even as a woman of faith, the struggle for mental wellness doesn’t magically disappear. In fact, sometimes I think being a Christian makes the struggle more nuanced. I believe in grace. I speak about love. I teach forgiveness. And still, on the inside, there are days when pessimistic thoughts sneak in like uninvited guests. The kind that makes me second guess someone before I can stop myself or assume the worst instead of hoping for the best.

Here’s the twist: I thought I had conquered this mindset. Decades ago, I intentionally worked through a lot of my negative thinking. I read the books. I journaled the pain. I prayed the prayers. And for the most part, I believed I had arrived at a more optimistic, grace-filled perspective. But every now and then, especially when I’m tired, overwhelmed, or dealing with difficult situations, those old thought patterns creep back in wearing new disguises.

In life I have learned, two things can be true at the same time. I am a person who loves deeply, gives generously, and wants the best for others. I am also someone who wrestles with judgmental thoughts, lacks compassion in weak moments, and sometimes needs a mental attitude check. Both truths exist. And I’ve come to realize, the key isn’t in pretending one doesn’t. It’s in being honest about the tension and committed to staying grounded in grace.

Mental wellness requires maintenance. Like brushing your teeth or exercising, choosing empathy over ego is something we have to practice daily. And the fight in our minds isn’t always logical, it’s emotional. It's subtle. But it's very real… even though our emotions have no intellect.

Here are a few things that help me keep the inner critic in check:

• Pause before reacting. That split second or day between thought and response is where empathy lives.

• Pray it out. Seriously. Nothing softens my heart quicker than a little Jesus and a deep breath.

• Own your wrongs. Humility doesn’t lose respect, it gains it.

• Thank God for conviction. It means your spirit is still sensitive, and that’s a gift.

I’ve tucked my tail and apologized more than I care to admit.

At home.

With my husband.

To friends.

At work.

Sometimes even to strangers. Because pessimism is a slippery slope, and if I don’t catch it early, it takes me further than I ever meant to go. When I let the wrong thoughts win, I feel it in my spirit, and thankfully, that conviction doesn’t let me ignore it for long.

The beauty of the struggle is that it keeps me grounded.

It humbles me when I start to feel self-righteous.

It reminds me that I haven’t arrived.

It softens me when I’m tempted to harden.

And ultimately, it shapes me into someone more aware, more gentle, and more dependent on God.

So, who do I fight with? Honestly? I fight with myself.

The version of me that forgets I’m loved.

The version that wants to protect rather than understand.

The version that would rather judge than extend grace.

But I also fight for myself.For the compassionate, hopeful, empathic woman I know God created me to be.

It’s a fight worth showing up for every day.

The Battle Is the Blessing. We all wrestle with thoughts that don’t reflect who we want to be. The presence of that battle doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human. Mental wellness isn't about erasing every negative thought. It’s about choosing which ones get to stay. It’s about leaning into humility, showing yourself grace, and asking God for strength to do better tomorrow.

And if you, like

me, sometimes get it wrong? Have the courage and integrity to Apologize. Learn. Grow. Then lace up your gloves and keep fighting, for the version of you that leads with love.

Want more encouragement like this?

Check out my books:

Silver Lining: Cancer Was the Best Worst Thing That Ever Happened to Me

String of Pearls: Seeking God’s Intentionality in Our Lives

If you're looking for an engaging speaker on topics like mental wellness and humility, faith, or personal growth, I'd be honored to bring insight, authenticity, and hope to your next event. To learn more or to book a speaking engagement, please connect with me through my website.

Learn more about me, Kommah McDowell, MSLM, at www.kommahmcdowell.comLet’s grow stronger together, one thought at a time.